Tactical pause

Holding a line on the Stayman Flats Fire

I am a month into my season, in it for the long haul. Our PT days consist of heavy, timed hikes up some of the steepest ridges in the country, 2-3 mile uphill runs, and calisthenics. I am on the second saw team, and go tank for tank with my partner (alternating cutting and swamping). We responded to a couple small local fires in early July and were assigned to a couple shifts on the Stayman Flats Fire last week which took off in grass and shrub fuels and grew to about 1200 acres in under 24 hours (it is now 80% contained). Standing in the black, I sharpened chain in the wee hours of the morning up on a ridge at hour 20 with stars overhead and a fire blazing on the next ridge over. We hiked down that steep slope around 4 in the morning.

If not on fires we are on project work, which consists of mainly fuels reduction on the Okanagen-Wenatchee NF. The days are hot and dry and getting hotter. 100+ degrees every day this week. We are second on the roster to be called to a national incident, so that could happen at any time.

This morning my digestion was problematic and my energy felt off. I did not sleep well in my truck last night, or maybe just not enough. I was thinking a lot this past week about how many phone calls I’ve missed and texts I haven’t responded to and protein dinners I’ve skipped for the sake of convenience. How do I do it all? It is not easy to take a day off in the fire world, but it is also not freely given. The employer requires us to be on, 100% of the time, for the duration of the season. As an initial attack crew, we work six ten-hour days a week with one day off (still available for a call-in). The idea is that this keeps us ready, physically and mentally.

At the beginning of the season we had a conversation on responsibility to self and crew. They are interdependent. Speaking up for oneself and one’s needs is for the benefit of the whole crew. Not doing so is to everyone’s detriment.

In fire, a “tactical pause” is taken to make adjustments or pivot plans in response to a changing situation. It is common to change tactics in order to keep the crew safe and moving in a positive direction. I decided to take today off. Some physical and spiritual needs were falling through the cracks. I was afraid of approaching burnout.

I read an article earlier on motivation. It talked about the importance of getting serious about leisure activities. The down-time being as important as the go-time. Taking agency over this down-time has a large impact on how motivated and purpose-full we feel in our go-time.

The article referenced a study done on a Japanese concept called ikigai, which has to do with the interplay between your overall sense of life purpose and what makes your daily life meaningful. Those who worked extremely hard and pursued leisure activities that provided deep enjoyment, helped them have a stronger sense of purpose than those who focused on work alone.

I think this is a key to how to feel grounded in a life of constant movement. I will not always be able to take a day, but sometimes I will be able to take a moment, or a few minutes. It all counts.

There is a Hebrew word for the space between breaths. Selah. It also means, “forever”. Between breaths can feel like an instant of uncertainty. It can be a vulnerable space, an intentional one. It is spacious. It is empty. It can last for what seems like an eternity and be over before you blink.

It is hard being away from loved ones, loved places, even out of touch with the wild places that recharge my soul. I linger, in pausing, to hold a mindful space for the beauty of all this constant movement. Because as hard as it is, to hold that space between breaths, it is harder to dismiss it and try to power through toward no clear end. There is something raw and powerful about making space for that little bit of forever. In the constancy of holding and letting go.

I think fire has a lot to teach me in this regard.

How do I work in fire and be in relationship? Both require my full presence. How can I be in constant movement and remain grounded? They are one and the same. I wrote you recently about the importance of breathing. Now I hope you’ll reflect with me on the importance of the space between breaths. On the intention of how we use our energy. It is what enables us to move forward with meaning.

Til next time,

Lucy